Posts Tagged ‘relationships with others’

Relationship With Whom?

Sunday, April 29th, 2012

Relationship?  With Whom, Really?

Sometimes we build a relationship not with the real person, but with our own stories and perceptions of the other person.

Where do you do this?  And how is it working for you?

Watch this for more.

We’d really like to hear your thoughts on this.

Dan & Carol

Just Be Nice

Monday, July 11th, 2011

Today, just be nice!

It’s a great way to build and enhance any relationship, especially the one with your life-partner.

And keep doing this. We’re curious to know about the results you create.

How to slow down in life

Monday, June 13th, 2011

Do You Ever Backpaddle in Your Relationship?

Life can seem really hectic at times – rushing here, rushing there, plowing through the day.  Ever experience that?

It’s worth the effort to backpaddle, slow down and enjoy the ride.  Check out this metaphor.

When are you going to do it?

Do you have strategies for slowing down, so you can really enjoy your relationship and life? We’re curious to know about them.

Relationship Dance

Saturday, February 5th, 2011

A relationship is like dancing – sometimes you step on each others toes. Although it may hurt, there is always something you can do to help the situation.

Think, say, or do something. It’s worth it.

What are you going to do today?

Planting Seeds

Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

You’ve planted seeds and now harvesting.  Are you thankful?

It’s a time of the year to give thanks for the bounty, harvest, and abundance in life.  But what results are you harvesting in your relationship with your partner? Are you thankful for them?

At some level of consciousness, you planted the seeds that gave you the results.  If you really like the harvest (results) keep planting those seeds.  If you don’t like the harvest (results) don’t plant those seeds any more.  Seems pretty simple.

Please send us your comments below or by email.  We’re curious about your thoughts about seeding and harvest in your relationship.

Hoarding is Hard Work: Develop a system for purging

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

In the fall, we butcher a beef animal to fill our freezer. I keep the bones and meat scraps from the butcher to feed Tip, my black and white Border Collie dog.

Every day I toss some of these tasty morsels to Tip and I just realized I am causing her a ton of work.  Because she then spends several hours carefully hiding these delicacies around the yard anywhere she can find loose material to bury them – next to a tree trunk, under a bush, deep inside a snow bank, or in the wood pile.

This is only part of the problem.  The rest of the day is spent thus: 1) searching for the right piece for her meal – one which has been properly buried, aged, and tenderized (otherwise known as stinking-rotten), and 2) patrolling the yard to protect her stash from the looting ravens and magpies.  There is just no time for regular dog-duties – the productive work.

Hmmm.  I wonder how many of us spend our days this same hoarding way – and it’s hard work.

My examples:

  • I research a topic and print a schwack of information for later use.
  • Magazines arrive in the mail and I don’t have time to read them now, so they get piled up.
  • A neat tool in Canadian Tire catches my attention and I buy it because I might use it once or twice a year.
  • We acquire a 17-year supply of a product because there is a volume discount.
  • There is a new techno-gadget that we “need,” even though the old method is working just fine.

And we put these things in places where they are convenient – places we won’t forget.  And we need to buy boxes, closets, filing cabinets, sheds, bigger houses, and garages to store our hoardings.  This may mean we need to spend more money and possibly take on debt – or more debt.

And then we need to protect, maintain, and repair those acquisitions, which takes time and costs more money.

And suddenly we realize we are trapped in debt, or need to find a better paying profession to buy, store, and maintain more hoardings.

Sound familiar?

You may be thinking, “OK Dan, we get the point.  We’ll do spring cleaning soon.”  Soon.  Is that a month after March or November – 2015?  Unfortunately, most people don’t get to the real purging.

Now is the best time to metaphorically wander around your yard, gather up the old bones, scraps, and buried morsels.  Now is a great time to get rid of things you don’t use or want.  It’s OK to:

  • get rid of that ugly vase Aunt Hilda gave you 47 years ago
  • give away those clothes that shrunk in the closet
  • donate those books you’ll never read
  • sell cars, electronics, and sporting goods you don’t use.
  • Use gained resources to pay down or eliminate debt.

Carol and I have a weekly business/personal meeting to celebrate our weekly successes, align our schedules, and talk about anything else that is important in our lives.  One of the agenda items is purging.  Since we’ve committed to purging a few minutes each week, we’ve emptied filing cabinets, cleared bookshelves and closets, and the process is ongoing.

This process of purging is freeing for us.  We spend less time looking for things, we consciously evaluate our collecting or buying choices (which saves money), and we’re more clear and focussed on what we really want.  As we release the obligations of our hoardings, amazing opportunities and possibilities are entering our lives.  As we surrender or get-rid-of what we don’t want, we are free to allow and accept what we do want – physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially.

I’m curious to know how purging works for you.  What potential can you realize when you run freely; rather than keeping yourself locked inside your backyard full of stinkin’ old bones?

How Much Time Do You Spend With Negative People?

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

I had a visitor recently.  Over a coffee, I heard about his boss, a colleague, two suppliers, and his wife.  You can probably guess.  They were all jerks.

I was in an interesting position.  If I said something he didn’t like, would I be included in his Jerkdom Hall of Fame in his next conversation?

Actually, I didn’t really care.  But what was going on for him was a powerful lesson for me.  Life is such a good teacher.

This gentleman works a job whereby he is on his own much of the day. Through my questions, I learned that over the past week, he had actually communicated less than one hour with his boss.  Although he saw his colleague each morning and at the end of the day, they rarely talked.  One supplier had been on site twice in the week.  And he was with his wife less than four waking hours per day.  I doubt that every minute of those interactions was nasty.  But even if they were, it was less than 25% percent of his non-sleeping time.  And yet he had allowed his interactions and perceptions of those “negative” people to pollute his brain for the other 75% percent of his week.

I had two distinct thoughts with lessons for me.

First thought:
Were all of those other people as negative as he described?  Or was he the common link in the quality of those interactions?

The lesson:
I learned that I have the choice and control of my feelings at ALL times.  Nobody else can make me happy, jazzed, sad, or razzed.  It’s always my choice.  And as I consciously choose the fabulous feelings I want, it positively affects my relationships with others.

Does this same lesson apply for you?

Second thought:
Was this a time management habit?  Oh, this man may do exceptional work while on the job, but does his use of time give him a rejuvenating and satisfying quality of life?

The lesson:
I have exactly the same number of hours every day, and my days are limited.  I encounter negative people and undesirable situations.  As a percentage of my time, this is extremely small.  I can choose to let those few negative moments pollute my entire day as I drag those past situations into my present and project them into my future.  Or I can choose to be totally present in each moment.  In other words, I can effectively deal with the negative situations, let them go, and be totally joyous and appreciative of the other wonderful moments.  I “get to” choose to make the biggest part of my day fabulous.

Does this same lesson apply for you?

One final thought:
Thankfully, this gentleman is not a regular visitor.  We need to be conscious and mindful of the people we associate with on a regular basis.  My friend, Kevin Burns, says, “If you hang around with whiners and complainers, their numbers go up by one.”