How To Make Everyday Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day just rolled past us on the calendar.  In our North American society, February 14 is a day when hearts open, love flows, passion sparkles, and … sexual behaviour flourishes.  Yes, many people do what they don’t do the rest of the year – they truly become lovers.  Want to know how to make everyday Valentine’s Day? 

I’m writing this, because I want to figure it out for me. 

How can you and I keep the sparkle of passion, thrill, and intimacy alive and flourishing 365 days a year.   OK, maybe that’s unreasonable.  Let’s say 355 days – I might need a few days off to be miserable.

It’s simple:  Love is between the ears!

What I know for certain is that “love” or “not-love” is not dependent on outer conditions (people, places, or things); it is totally an inner game, a state of mind.

I also know for me and many others we coach, it can be challenging to remember this.  It is too easy to allow outer conditions like your job, the boss, the weather, or more importantly your partner, to influence your feelings – often in a negative way.  Unfortunately, this is victim mentality, rather than accountability.

To make everyday Valentine’s Day, I need to take ownership of my thoughts, words, actions, results, and feelings.  When I do that, making everyday Valentine’s Day is simply a choice I get to make.

It’s simple:  Love is between the ears!

“Easier said than done”, you say.

True, yet I can remember many days when I made this choice as soon as I woke up. I chose to feel refreshed, energized, and excited about the day – it was a choice.  I greeted Carol with a genuine, warm hug, and an “I love you” – it was a choice.  I mentally prepared for my day and headed into it with thoughts of kindness, love, accomplishment, and success – it was a choice.

This intentional morning priming made it much easier to keep making “love” choices throughout the day. With a few appreciative and flirtatious texts, emails, or phone calls to Carol, my arrival home was definitely like Valentine’s Day again.

It’s simple:  Love is between the ears!

Yes, there will always be distractions and crap that occurs. In fact, if I don’t do the morning priming every morning, I can guarantee the crap will be slung into my face on every turn.  If I react, become defensive, and sling the crap back, it ensures a long painful day that affects my relationships for the long-term. 

However, even if I have forgotten the morning priming and the crap occurs, when I am conscious, accountable, and vigilant for love, I can take a deep breath or two, think loving thoughts, look for the lessons, and keep myself in my desired state of mind – a choice.  When I do this, I make everyday Valentine’s Day.

Making everyday Valentine’s Day is not about “doing” things for myself and others.  It is about “thinking” things for myself and others.  It’s also about noticing and celebrating the wonder and awe all around me right now – that’s the gift that keeps giving.

It’s simple:  Love is between the ears!

The Buddha is known to have said, “All that we are is the result of what we have thought.  The mind is everything.  What we think, we become.”

In other words, the quality of my life and your life is about choice in every moment.

Right now, there are many days until next Valentine’s Day – that’s the future.  For right now, in the only moment you and I have, what are you thinking about? 

What choice are you going to make now that is guaranteed to affect the quality of your day and the quality of the other most important relationship you have – the one with your partner at home?  Hmmm?

Ok, that’s the end.  I’m going to give Carol a big hug.