Trust Is A Must

You and I know that trust is important in all relationships; with ourselves, our partners, kids, and in our workplace.

But what is it?

As a verb (Cambridge Dictionary), trust is to believe that someone is good and honest and will not harm you, or that something is safe and reliable. As a noun, trust is the belief that you can trust someone or somethings.

It seems that a key to trust is belief, which is defined as the feeling of being certain that something exists or is true.

A feeling?  Hmmm.  That’s empowering, and maybe a bit confusing too.

What we know for certain is this:

Trust Is A Must

This feeling piece was confusing for me, and it’s confusing for many others with whom we coach. 

I grew up in a society that encouraged (maybe even demanded) that I be strong.  It was a best practice to stuff my emotions, or override them rather than showing or talking about them.  To hurt or cry was being a sissy.  Eventually, I only knew that if I felt “good”, I would smile and laugh and treat myself and others in a loving way.  If I felt “bad”, I would swear, scowl, and throw a hammer at a corral fence. I would treat myself and others in a not-loving way.

Those broad-stroke feelings were dependent on what was going on around me; how people treated me, the weather, the markets, etc.  In other words, I was victimized because the feelings were controlled by someone or something else.

Where did trust come in?

If something happened, or someone did something and it made me feel good, I could trust in that.  If it made me feel bad, I couldn’t trust in that.  Kind-of black or white.

Sound familiar?

Trust Is A Must

This feeling piece is empowering in how it affects trust, because when I’m living accountably, I have total ownership for my feelings, despite what may be happening around me.  I get to choose my feelings.

That’s hard for some people to understand. The truth is that you cannot do or say anything that will make me feel happy, crappy, or anything in between.  I get to choose.

When it comes to trust, I know that I get to choose my thoughts, words, and actions, which affect trust.  When these come from an intention of love, kindness, and respect, I feel trustworthy, and there is a really good chance the other person will feel a high level of trust in me.  The quality of our relationship grows.  Working together is productive, relatively ease-full and joy-full.

When I am less than conscious and allow my ego to take over, I may think, speak, and act from a place of not-love, cruelty, defensiveness, or disrespect.  If I’m paying attention, weird feelings occur.  I might feel powerful, but not congruent with who I really am.  I might feel I’ve proven my “rightness,” or defended my position, but it’s not a feeling of happiness. If I’m honest with myself, I don’t feel trustworthy, and I know for a fact the trust is depleted with the other person.  The quality of our relationship may not be destroyed, but there will be doubt and maybe even suspicion about our willingness and ability to cooperate.

Trust Is A Must

Logically, I “get it.”  But, dang, how do I “live it” more regularly?

I don’t know the best answers for you, however, from a coach-approach, I invite you to consider these questions in regard to trust:

• What might happen when you start each morning with five minutes of quiet-mind and quiet-body time, focussed on appreciation?
• How might it affect you when you look in the mirror and smile at yourself?
• How will you feel when you greet your home-partner and kids with a genuine hug, and maybe even say you love them?
• What will it do for you to step outside and take several huge, deep breaths?
• How might your meetings transpire when you pause for a moment and consciously intend how you want them to be (authentic, productive, inclusive, looking for the best outcome)?
• What might happen when you consciously listen more than speak, understand more than defend, act more than react, accept more than reject, empower more than enable, commend more than condemn, share more than conceal?
• What is the result when you consciously “love” more than “not-love”?

Trust Is A Must

Building trust – it’s my choice and your choice.  Easy, but not always convenient.

How do you feel about it?

If this is tough for you, you are not alone.  We invite you to email or call us at 780-785-3700. We won’t tell you what to do, however, you’ll gain what you need to make your best strategies.