Yup, you likely know there are two parts of your mind that direct your thoughts, words, and behaviour: Ego or Spirit.
If you’re like me and most other people, you’ve had times (maybe lots of them) when you reacted to a situation with your sweetie, said something, and then almost instantly wished like heck you could pull those words and tone of voice back. There might have been body language you wished to retract such as, the “look,” pointing finger, swinging arms, etc.
The quick, unconscious reaction was directed by your Ego, because Spirit would never do that.
Ego was probably still in control and wouldn’t allow you to apologize and ask for a chance to start over. Instead, you may have continued with a back-and-forth volley of disrespectful, hurtful puke, definitely stuck in the Dreaded Drama Triangle.
Sound familiar?
How do ego or spirit work?
Our brain is a blob of stuff inside our skull. But our mind is something different that doctors and researchers can’t exactly see. Where our brain is one, our mind seems separated, to have two parts, the Ego and Spirit. The big question for most of us is, “which do you choose to believe in,” which means that’s the one you choose to employ?
In every second, you have the power to choose – Ego or Spirit. Your results will be determined by your choice. Ohhh, that’s accountability when you have the courage to own your results.
Ego exists because of fear and guilt, which often lead to anger. Spirit exists because of love, which when shared leads to more love. You get to choose. What a dilemma!
It seems the simple and best choice to get the results we want in our relationships would be to choose to employ Spirit always, but that’s not what usually happens. As in the previous article, conflict (internally and externally) happens because at a deep level, we feel “I am not enough” or “I am unworthy of love.” In effect, I don’t love myself. That feeling instills fear or guilt (and usually both) at an unconscious level. We are not consciously aware of what is going on, yet this is the playground for the Ego.
What to do?
A significant solution to this dilemma is awareness of feelings. Feelings are your Key Performance Indicators, and they provide valuable insights about what to do to resolve the situation. I believe that feelings fall into two categories: Love or Not-Love. Regardless of the category, feelings are real and it’s OK to express them, if we do it from a “do no harm,” constructive perspective.
I’ve found it helpful to name my feelings (especially the not-love feelings) and talk about them with Carol. I specifically want to share with her that my reaction was not about her, but about what’s going on inside me. This is the tough. I know that Carol can’t do or say anything to make me feel angry (or any other feeling) because my feelings are my choice. Yet it is too easy to blame her (or the situation) rather than looking into the mirror at my own deep-seated beliefs, which I perceive are being threatened.
Spirit knows that I am enough, and I am good enough just the way I am. I am not broken and don’t need to be fixed. All I need to do to experience more love and joy is to learn to love myself. When I truly love myself, it is easy to choose Spirit in each moment, and Ego can’t exist (or not as often, that sneaky devil).
Yet, based on my experiences and those of all our coaching clients so far, truly loving self is tough. I’ve found if I can recall an incident of ego high jacking my mind, identify the feelings, thoughts, or words in my head, just before I react, it gives me a pivot point for next time – to choose differently, coming from Spirit. The trick is to be aware of these pivot points when they occur again and to make a different choice.
I’ve also learned that the more I can share love with others, it expands in me too. By sharing it with others, I’m teaching or modelling for others that they can do it too, which expands the love they feel for themselves and others. This is the good ol’ “pebble in the pond” theory.
Ego or Spirit, it boils down to this:
- Ego and Spirit are within my mind and your mind.
- Ego likes to have you in conflict, afraid, guilty, shameful, resentful, and with a scarcity mentality. The results are toxic drama and a whack of these Not-Love feelings.
- Spirit only wants you to experience ever-growing love. The result is joy, love, happiness, fulfillment, abundance, and to be filled with the Love feelings.
- Which do you choose NOW?
Seems so simple, yet for me it continues to be a never-ending challenge. However, it is getting easier every day, and the results I experience are amazing.
What do you think about it?
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