When Life Sucks …??

Ever felt stuck in your life, not sure what to do or where to go? Maybe even now?

I don’t mean that you don’t have things to do. Most people I know share with me that they are incredibly busy.

What I mean is that what you’re doing just doesn’t feel meaningful, purposeful and contributing in as big a way as you’d like. Or maybe you just don’t feel like you’re on top of your game. And maybe what you’re doing just isn’t fun anymore. And maybe it is affecting your relationships and your financial position too.

To some degree, that’s usually what is going on for my Personal Mastery Coaching clients. And it is usually what is going on for couples who come to us for Couples Coaching. And it is usually what is going on for organizations when they ask me to help them create a rejuvenated culture that is productive, pleasurable and profitable.

I’m a human too, and it’s what happens for me occasionally.

It sucks. Heck that doesn’t describe it. IT SUCKS, REALLY SUCKS – big time!!stuck-in-a-rut

I was in this “rut” for six or eight months before I finally, consciously realized what was going on for me. In my state of bumbling along, I had been playing small, pouting, blaming, and guilting, which then led to metaphorically taking myself out behind the woodshed where a sturdy switch is stored for self-punishment purposes.

My coach, Barry, helped me to gain awareness of this and to look into the mirror – not to punish myself, but to identify, appreciate, and celebrate the gifts, talents and wisdom I have acquired, and to explore what can be, rather than what can’t be. It was a huge “check up from the neck up.”

To build on this, Carol and I had an amazing day where we created a big vision about how we want to show up in the world – personally and professionally. This was not a stuffy sit-at-the-table-and-create-a-smart-sounding-vision-statement-and-set-a-bunch-of-specific-goals kind of deal. No way, Jose.

It was a cold Saturday in early January. We had a big fire going in the wood stove, rock ‘n roll music, flip chart and lots of coloured markers, snacks, refreshments, and lots of room to move around. The phones were turned off and since we live out in the sticks and the snow was deep, the chances of anyone coming to the door were slim-to-none.

We talked about what was important to us, things that we really value, how we want to contribute now and in the future, what our lives will look like, sound like, and feel like in five and ten years. Because we’re both trained coaches, we gave each other permission to ask the respectful, yet juicy questions that led to discomfort, messy thinking and creativity and innovation and value-rich dialogue.

We drew colourful pictures of us, other people, places, and things. We captured words that describe core values. We made colourful diagrams of how things relate, leverage and collaborate. We talked about how we felt about what we were capturing. And we listened deeply to each other to really understand and explore the similarities and differences.

It was emotional. It was critical that we were brutally honest about our feelings, because we know that collectively, we are magnificent manifestors. When we are both focussed and passionate about a result, it happens almost instantly. And we know that feelings of resistance, resentment, or fear will drive what we want away. When any of these less-than feelings came up, we were able to eliminate them, reframe them or change the vision so that it was all in alignment with what we want.

What happened?

Besides the growth and strengthening of our relationship, it was as if the flood-gate of opportunities was flung open in our several businesses. Most importantly for me was that my creativity, motivation, and energy was back. I produced more in the next 3 days than I had in the previous 3 months. You may have heard it called, “being in the flow” where it is as if time stands still.

Ever had that experience?

What has become very clear to me, and reaffirmed, is that life is as much about what we project as it is about what we perceive (our so-called “reality”). In fact, I think it would be heavily weighted toward projection.

That’s why it is critical for me to be consciously aware of my habitual thoughts, feelings, and actions, and what I am projecting outward. That projection is magnified by what is reflected back to me in my circumstances – my “reality.”

In A Course In Miracles it says, “I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked.” I think that describes the projection and reality part well.

Will I end up in one of those ruts again? Probably. Will you end up in one of those ruts? Probably.

But I know that I won’t stay there long. ‘Cause I’ll be on the phone with a good coach who can help me reframe the pictures shining through my projector.

What about you? When you get into a rut, what are you going to do?



Thanks Dan! Just what I needed to hear today. A great reminder that if I want change I need to take a close look at where I am, where I want to be, and what I need to do to get there. Doing the same things will only keep me in my rut.
Enjoy this cold and snowy day 🙂


Hi Dan: When stuck in a rut and think life really sucks… I do as someone I know coached me to do.. in my case make a cake… (lol).

Hugs to you both.


Great article. We have all been stuck in a rut one time or another. My favourite part was how you & Carol worked it out together, in essence creating a stronger bond then before. That is beautiful & you two are very lucky. Good job.


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