“How can I fix my relationship?”
We hear this regularly in phone calls, emails, and from coaching clients.
Unfortunately, a relationship is not like a car, where you fix it by putting in new spark plugs, changing the brake pads, or installing a new sensor. That said, I know some people who would graphically tell you where to put the spark plugs in their relationship.
Yet there are things you and I can do that guarantee the relationship will improve. I’m not meaning big lavish things. In fact, the big things often complicate the relationship even more.
It’s the 1% victories that count.
Leadership and Personal Mastery expert, Robin Sharma, said, “1% victories performed daily and flawlessly are the keys to producing gargantuan results. Over long periods of time.”
This principle applies perfectly in business and also in a relationship.
What are these 1% victories?
Here are a few that coaching clients have applied with great results. None of them are hard, they simply take dedication, consistency, and persistence. As they are applied over the long term, they produce gargantuan results, one of them being immense joy.
- 15 minutes of focussed time together every night. Their groundrules for conversation are: positive, respectful, one speaks; one listens.
- Device-free zone. Some couples choose this to be the bedroom, kitchen table, or both.
- Evening meal together. Not only does this nourish the body, it nourishes the soul.
- Hugging each other when they leave in the morning and when they come together in the evening.
- A text mid morning that contains only three words, “I love you.”
- Aligning schedules, so both understand weekly commitments.
- Acknowledging each other for skills, talents and attractiveness. This could even be a bit flirtatious.
- Reading a book together.
- Playing a game together several nights a week.
- Disconnecting the TV. For many couples, this would free up oodles of time.
- Weekly date. They take turns planning the event.
- Walking together for 30 minutes each evening. Regardless of the time of year, the fresh air and exercise are valuable. Being out in nature tends to stimulate great conversation too.
- Go to bed at the same time. Since you’re there together, you could cuddle too.
- Volunteer together. There is something so powerful about giving of yourselves for something or someone else.
It’s the 1% victories that count.
One of the secrets to ensuring these work is to have agreement to them, so both people show up. Most of them can be fun too, which adds motivation to follow through.
You might be thinking, “BUT, Dan, we’re so busy that we don’t have time for any of those.”
My inside-my-head voice that you’re not supposed to hear is screaming, “BS excuse.”
My outside-my-head voice that is far more polite says, “I invite you to consider value rather than the time commitment. If you were to step out in time, 3 or 6 months from now, knowing that you had followed through on just one of these 1% victories, what would be different about you and your relationship? How would that feel?”
If you are honest with yourself, I think you’d agree there is high value.
It’s the 1% victories that count.
So, my friend, what 1% activities or victories do you do that prioritize and stimulate your relationship? I’d like to add some to our own repertoire.
Let’s have a conversation about it, shall we?
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